Heath's Scratching Post

2006-06-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

We are going camping on Friday! Hurray! I am so excited. I will go to the doctor tomorrow so that I am all better in time for the festivities.

Jeff is wonderful; things with him are (as always) amazing. Above is a cute picture from our sleepover at Kelly and Rob's house.

Summer Bootcamp

2006-06-13T04:39:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ragged by Jeff, of all people, for not updating my blog in a long time, so I'd better get on the ball. And given that I am wide awake two hours early thanks to the lovely coughing/sore throat from hell disease he gave me, I have plenty of time before work, since I love to be up at 6 am.

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That was Francesca typing as she makes herself comfortable in front of my laptop.

Getting terribly behind on my papers this semester and realizing that truth be told, I don't really want to write them at all because I am so bored of my subject, all of this has forced me to reevaluate my vocational objectives. I think I am going to apply to law school and teacher's college in the fall, and consider doing something else. I'm tired of being dirt poor and in school, and do not see this really changing once I graduate. But I love Toronto.

Jeff is a darling; we continue to have a fabulous time. I think almost every weekend until fall is already booked with exciting camping/cottage/visit Jeff's grannies in a convertible adventures. Every day I discover something new that I adore about him, and he's so tremendously thoughtful and good-natured and laid back. We're hitting 6 months in a week or two, by far my record for longest relationship (with someone other than my best gay friend back in high school who only held my hand once). Now that Jeff can walk again, we have all sorts of fun adventures, and he came with all of these really incredible friends who are just a blast. I couldn't be happier.

Upon going shopping the other day for summer clothes, I realized that I have gone up a size (possibly in part to our diet last Wednesday when Kel, Rob, SPU and I went to see a movie...we had bacon sandwiches with cheese, followed by a large popcorn,and soda, and then off to Demetre's for a dessert of cake and tirimisu ice cream...). Instead of buying any clothes, I promptly joined the gym in the mall near where I babysit. They were running a "bootcamp" program that started this weekend, where if I do not come to the gym 3 times a week and follow the instructions of my personal trainer, my picture and stats will be put up on the "wall of shame." If I make it through all 14 weeks, there will be lots of prizes and a big party with free tshirts and all sorts of stuff. I plan to go back to taekwondo as well as soon as these damn papers are done.

I also started the South Beach Diet yesterday. I opted for this one because it is less fatty than Atkins, and allows me to continue drinking wine after the first two weeks. Plus I figured that a high protein diet would be the easiest to follow while dating pOrk, since he will be thrilled to only eat meat all the time when I am cooking. Basically all I can eat for the first two weeks is lean meat and vegetables, and a tiny bit of dairy. No sugar, fruit, alcohol, or carbs of any kind. I'm into day 2 of it, and loving the ricotta cheese with some vanilla or cocoa powder and splenda in it. I'm finding that splenda is a godsend. I'm also a huge fan of sugar-free fat free fudgesicles. If I stick with it, the book promises that I will loose 8-12 lbs in the first two weeks, which would be a fantastic jumpstart to the gym as that would get me pretty close to my target weight almost right away. I was surprised at how poor my eating habits were; there wasn't anything in my house prior to yesterday that wasn't sugar or carbs (or cheese...I always have lots of cheese); pasta is fast to make and inexpensive. I just got up and ate two hard-boiled eggs and a cucumber and had some tea; I never eat breakfast so this is messing with my body a little. I packed a nice lunch last night of ham, an egg, cucumber and mint yogurt salad I made, snowpeas, red peppers, and some almonds that I roasted in olive oil and salt (i can have all the olive oil I want, which rocks). I will stop to get some sugar-free candy to kick my sugar cravings, and I'm not finding that I have any carb cravings yet; its more filling than what I usually eat.

Anyway, all is well, and I'm off to babysit.

Daisy, Daisy

2006-05-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

So I babysit for these two adorable kids, Pascale and Ethan.

Pascale likes to sing, so we always sing things on the walk to pick up her older brother Ethan at school. Lately she has taken a liking to me singing McNamera's Band, Sing a Song of Six Pence, and Daisy, Daisy...a medley of songs that my grandmothers sang to me as a kid. She's especially taken with making me belt out the "drums go bang song" at the top of my lungs down Bloor street, conveniently one of the most populated thoroughfares of the city. But this is appropriate, as in fact this song has a long history of being belted out in embarrassingly public contexts...my grandma used to give us (her fleet of grandchildren) pots and pans, dress us up, march us up to the top deck of the beach cottage to say the Pledge of Allegance, and then parade us all over the island of Sunset Beach banging on pots and pans singing "Oh, the drums go bang and the cymbals clang and the horns they blazed away..." I never knew until today that Bing Crosby was the one who originally sung that song until today. Somehow that makes it far more dignified than I remember it.

Anyway, Gilian, the mother of the aformentioned cute (but very tired today!) children, sung me the additional verse of Daisy, Daisy the other day, and to my shock it is most definitely not a children's song after all! My grandma seemed to have left a verse out...

So I present to you my findings after some brief research into some of the other lesser known verses of Daisy, Daisy (originally known as Daisy Bell). The Michael, Michael verse is the one that Gilian knows...

Harry, Harry, here is your answer true.
I'd be crazy to marry a jerk like you.
There'll never be any marriage
If you can't afford a carriage
And I'll be switched (As is hit with a switch)
If I'd get hitched
On a bicycle built for two.

Richard, Richard, here is your answer true.
You're half crazy if you think that will do.
If you can't afford a carriage,
There won't be any marriage.
Cause I'll be switched
If I'll be hitched
On a bicycle built for two.

Daisy,Daisy the coppers are after you,
If they catch you,you know what they will do.
They'll tie you up with wire
Inside a Black Maria
So ring your bell and pedal like hell
On a bicycle made for two!

Peter, Peter, here is your answer true.
I'd be crazy, to marry a lad like you.
If you can't afford a carriage -
there won't be any marriage.
And I'd be dead, before I'd wed
on a bicycle built for two.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy, just to make love to you
You make me all hot and sexy
So let us call a taxi
My kind of fun, just can't be done
On a bicycle built for two.

Michael, Michael, here is my answer true
I won't cycle, it leaves me all black and blue
There won't be any marriage
If you don't get a carriage
for I'll be blowed
If I'll be stowed (towed?)
On a bicycle made for two

Michael, Michael, here is your answer true:
I won't cycle, all for the love of you.
If you can't afford a carriage,
There won't be any marriage.
'Cause I'll be damned
If I'll be crammed  [jammed? slammed?]
On a bicycle built for two.

Maxie, Maxie, here is your answer true:
I'm not crazy all for the likes of you.
If we can't afford a carriage,
There won't be any marriage,
'Cause I'll be damned if I'll be crammed*
On a bicycle built for two.

*Variant for respectable company: "I'll be switched if I'll be hitched".

Barkeep, Barkeep, give me your answer true:
I'm half crazy over the foamy brew.
I haven't got any money,
But wouldn't it look funny,
Me staring at you, across the bar,
Without a drink in my hand.

Daisy, Daisy, send me some email, do
I'm half-crazy all for a byte of you
I can't afford a modem
I don't know how to code 'em
But you'd look good
Upon a node
Of the internet built for two.

[Insert male name, twice], here is your email true
I'd be crazy to interface with you
Why don't you get a clue be-
Fore ranting like a newbie
And I'll be damned
If I'll be spammed
On an internet built for two.

Niagara

2006-05-08T19:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Chris is ragging me about not updating the blog. I think he is the only one reading it, but what the hell.

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. We had a great weekend. I spend the last few days of the week measuring the apartment and doing detailed sketches so that we could surprise pOrky by painting his apartment. The plan was that Kolcun and I would take him out of the house on my birthday surprise adventure, and his parents and Kel and Rob would paint the apartment while we were away to rid it of the awful green color his ex Steph painted it, despite that being his least favorite color in the whole world. I cannot understand how anyone who loves a person would intentionally paint their condo in their most despised color, but that is beside the point.

So Saturday night, I had friends over to the apartment for a nice dinner so that I could slip them the sketches, details, and the keys to the apartment. Jeff got back from a business trip Friday and informed me that he had loaned his set of keys to his co-worker to get into the office, and wouldn't get them back until Monday. I made up some lie and told him that he had to go get them right away on Saturday. So we spent the day running around getting ready for the party like maniacs, and retrieving his keys. I cleaned like mad, knowing his parents would be over the next day and the apartment was a disaster. Then everyone showed up and I cooked a nice dinner and they stayed over until 3 am singing karaoke; a good time was had by all (and it was a crazier party than the actual birthday party itself, I venture to say).

At some point, Jeff decided to try and get a piece of ice out of the freezer for a drink. When he opened it, a huge beer stein fell straight onto the big toe of his non-injured food, then rolling and crashing into a million pieces. He cried out in pain, and when I got himto the couch and pulled his sock off, his entire toe was black. I suggested we go to the ER and have them drain it, because I've seen this happen before and knew that when blood gets trapped underneith a nail, it hurts like a mofo and has to be released. Jeff would have none of the ER; he hates hospitals after our last adventure. So I poured him a half a glass of whiskey and pulled one of the ice cubes out of the bag of ice I had placed on his toe, and added it to his drink.

Everyone had a great time and the party continued as planned; he put his sock back on so I'd stop obsessing over his toe, and limped on both feet around the house. After everyone left at 3am, he sat down at his computer and was moaning in pain. I gave him a hug, and said he had two choices: either we were going to the ER, or one of us would have to drain it. He said he was not going to the ER. I said, "Ok, are you going to do it, or do I have to." Noticing that I was not particularly keen on performing a minor surgical procedure on his bloody toe, he decided that he would do it himself, but that I could not watch. I explained to him that he had to take a paperclip, heat it very very hot so it would burn through the nail, and drain the blood out. He would have nothing to do with the paperclip; he decided instead that he would use one of the needles from the injections he had to give himself following the last accident. He heated it and sterilized it with alcohol, but of course he didn't listen closely enough to understand that you have to burn through the nail rather than stabbing through, and I had also mentioned the needle was too small to make a sufficient hole. But he is stubborn, and I couldn't criticize because at least I didn't have to do it (and I understand stubbornness quite well myself). So I hear him moaning in the bathroom, and then it stops, so I assume he has passed out and try to get in to pick is ass up off the floor and take him to the ER.

I walk into the bathroom, and he sitting on the floor surrounded by toilet paper drenched in blood, blood smeared all over the bathroom floor, and he is fine. I say "Oh good, it worked." Jeff agrees, and says it feels much better. He couldn't get the needle through his nail, but he stuck it under the nail a few times and it drained all over the place. I helped him clean up and tried to get him in a blanket in bed because he was clearly shaking from mild shock. He insisted upon brushing his teeth first, and then I scrubbed the floor with lysol and disposed of his surgical instrument, and patched up his toe with some bandaids and scotch tape to hold the nail on. You make do with what you have, and we had no medical supplies. We did disinfect his toe with a bottle of alcohol. He went to bed and was asleep within 2 minutes, so I knew he felt better.

The next morning I woke up bright and early and called the pilot, who said the weather would be beautiful. Jeff had no idea what was happening. His friend Kolcun showed up and I cooked them both a huge breakfast, and Kolcun gave him his gift- a very powerful air gun with a scope. Just what Jeff needs. Might as well call the hospital and warn them ahead of time that we will see them again soon! :) Just kidding...Jeff was thrilled, and it looks like lots of fun.

Then we took off for the Island Airport, where we met our pilot while waiting for the ferry. When we got there, he gave us headsets and we boarded a tiny little 4 person Cessna. This was my birthday surprise to Jeff, and he was thrilled. The pilot took us all the way to Niagara Falls. We flew over the city and the lake; it was stunning. Then we circled the falls, and there was a magnificent rainbow in the massive clouds of mist. Jeff was in the co-pilot's seat and was so excited to hear all of the radio transmissions and things; he has been taking HAM classes for months. Then on the way back, the pilot let Jeff fly basically the entire way. He taught him how to read all of the controls (actually he just sort of assumed Jeff could read them, and he has played so many freaking video games that he could entirely). Then he took us on a tour over the city and flew over all the skyscrapers and all of our houses and my school. It was absolutely incredible.

While we were in the air, Jeff's amazing parents and two friends came over and painted the entire apartment. Kolcun and I took him out to lunch and then to see Mission Impossible 3 to kill more time. Then we brought him home, and he freaked out when his door was propped open. He walked in and was totally surprised yet again. It was great. They did a stunning job, and his parents stayed while we were at the party and put everything back in place and reorganized things so the apartment looks twice as big and much more organized. It is just stunning.

Then we took him over to his party, which was also a surprise until we accidentally emailed him the invitation when I was trying to invite his work friends and didn't realize he was on a distribution list Kolcun gave me. We had steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, salad, lots of party snacks, delicious wine, and I made a mocha pocha from scratch. The Mocha Pocha was a hit, but it almost failed...I had bought the wrong amount of brownie mix so at 1am the night before I had to run to the grocery store and get another box and more whipping cream. It all went wonderfully smoothly and almost everyone came. We had a great time, played monopoly (pOrky kicked butt), and went home before midnight not even drunk. All of us were so exhausted by that point that we barely made it through the party, but a fun, exciting weekend was had by all.

So his toe is fine, the birthday was fantastic, and all is well. I am breathing a sigh of relief, and happy that I don't have to keep any more secrets. It was quite funny, because I kept calling the house pretending I was talking to the person who was throwing the party, letting the painting crew know where we were and what was going on. He didn't have a clue.

And now its time for me to go to bed. Hotel echo alpha tango hotel out ;-)

pOrky is my hero

2006-04-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

Its a nice, chill Sunday here; not looking forward to tomorrow being Monday, but so it goes.

We had a great time at the dinner party yesterday. Kel and Rob made this amazing flaming pork roast, bok choy, and maple syrup potatoes, and others made curry carrot leek soup, guacamole, and avacado dip. Our avacado ice cream garnished with mint and rasberries was a huge hit as well. Then we had lots of delicious wine and played Trivial Pursuit (Canadian edition; I was at a serious disadvantage) and Hearts (which I'd never played, and got schooled at). We got home at something like 4 am, but it was good times.

We slept most of the day and then ran around taking care of some things we needed to do in the city. pOrky drove me everywhere and even waited for me to pick up prescriptions. Then we napped for the rest of the day. He is absolutely the best boyfriend ever...just so supportive and thoughtful and wonderful. I made us pasta with shrimp and clams in a cheese and cream sauce tonight. Delicious. Soon I imagine we will be having avocado ice cream.

Only one more week until the pOrky birthday festivities. pOrky has just eaten a gigantic plate of pasta, and is now finishing the other half of mine as well. Absolutely amazing. He's skinny as a bean pole yet he would eat burritos, steak, and pasta in cream sauce all day. His metabolism is insane! His friends attribute it to the parasites in his stomach; I think we should name them Hank, Delmar, and Lolita.

Earthlink HR Are Idiots

2006-04-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Sooo...a long day today. Jeff was away on business, and I missed him and couldn't sleep well because I was up worrying about silly things. Then I woke up at 7 to babysit early. Routine day; Pascale bit me but mostly it was a great day; the kids were good and the weather beautiful. The cute little husky puppy on the subway chewed on me too, but not quite as hard.

Then I got home to find my bank account withdrawn by $300. My bank account was already in crisis due to a bank screw up last week regarding Canadian transactions, but I finally had it fixed. Since I haven't spent $300 (not having it to spend), I was freaked out. The transaction was from Earthlink, my DSL service from Boston which I have been trying to cancel for months. I've called them twice in the last two months.

The first time I called them, I talked to a very friendly customer service guy and told him I wanted to cancel the service. He explained to me that the cancellation fee was $150, but that my contract runs out in two months so I should just pay my $33/month for 2 more months and then cancel it for free. I said "Good idea, lets do that! Thank you so much for your help!"

Idiot customer service guy canceled it and I got billed $150, so I called back and explained the mistake. New customer service guy apologized for the misunderstanding, said he'd fix it but I'd still owe the $80 in July, but would have no fees. I said, "Precisely! Let's do that! But please send me paper bills and I will send you a check for that. Please do not continue to automatically debit it from my American debit card, as there is no longer any money in that account."

Well, idiot customer service guy #2 reactivated the account, charging me a $99 reactivation fee. Then he somehow canceled it again, charging me $150 deactivation fee. Then he charged me $40 for the month's service. He billed all of this directly to the credit card I told him I no longer wanted it billed to, multiple times. I come home to an overdrawn account, with Jeff's birthday coming up in a week, and a fantastic surprise being charged to the money that will get direct deposited into that account next Friday, assuming it is not overdrawn by $300 because of this mess.

First, I call the bank and file a legal dispute, in order to actually have a record with them this time that the fees for an overdrawn account are not my fault.

Then, I call Earthlink. Customer service guy #3 cannot help me with this complicated problem, but transfers me to HR and some Indian manager. I love Indians, don't get me wrong. But this guy was an ass. After explaining the situation three or four times, he finally gets it, and agrees to remove the $150 cancelation and $99 reactivation fees from my account, seeing on his computer screen that these charges wer the faults of infidel customer service dudes #1 and #2. But he notes that the $40 is a "legitimate charge." I said "Yes, it is a legitimate charge, on an illegitimate card that has no money on it." He tells me he can do nothing about this. I explain that I told the customer service guy specifically to take the billing off of this card and send me a paper bill, even going as far as to explicitly spell out that I want to send the check from my Canadian account. I stated this multiple times. Idiot manager dude tells me there is no record of this on the computer log. I tell him to pull up the recorded conversations that the hold service tells me will be happening every time I speak with their idiot customer service. He tells me he has no access to these recordings. I tell him that he'd better get access, because I have filed a formal legal complaint with my bank and Earthlink will not get any money from me at all if he does not take the charge off and let me pay it by other means. He says he cannot do that. Angry and actually virtually yelling into the phone at this point out of frustration (can't say this has ever happened to me before but I was furious), I ask him if it would be possible if they could remove the charge if I called him back later with another credit card number to charge it too. He says he thinks so. So tomorrow I will pay Jeff $40 in cash and call back with his credit card to pay the stupid bill, threatening that I am recording the phonecall myself and will take them to court if they put a cent more than $40 on his credit card. Idiots. I have not been angry at anyone in a very long time, and generally live a very peaceful existance up here with all of the happy Canadians and hippies who have fled the States. But Jeff is still trying to calm me down from this one. It wouldn't be so bad if my bank wasn't also useless, but they are, and find ways to charge me massive fees for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Meanwhile, Jeff has come home from a work trip in one piece, and I am thrilled. However, he accidentally lost is pda (aka his cellphone/blackberry- part of his life as a computer programmer). We don't know where he dropped it, but it isn't here. I've called the cab company he rode back to the apartment in, and we've looked everywhere outside, but it has vanished. He will be taking my cellphone until we find it/get him a new one, so if you try to call me and get him, he will know how to get in touch with me. Email is the easiest way to reach me anyway; I carry the phone just to talk to Jeff and keep in touch with Gilian, mostly. And to yell at Earthlink morons.

So such is our day. I have officially not finished the semester on time as of today, but all should still be fine and I will just take extensions hopefully. I made a nice dinner for us- spicy peanut chicken, carrot and feta salad, and red bean and cilantro salad...nice and springy. We are drinking wine and chilling, and watching the videos on how to make avacado ice cream. All is well. Exciting dinner party tomorrow.

Welcome to my blog!

2006-04-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone else has a blog, so I guess I should too. I doubt I will write that often, but I will try, and at least this way I have a forum for linking up to all of my other cool friends' blogs.

But first we should set some ground rules.

1) No making fun of my grammar or spelling. Yes, I am a professional freelance editor in my free time. No, I still can't spell worth a damn. Thank god for technology. pOrky and Christopher B. Young, this rule applies especially to you.

2) No calling me Broccoli. You know you you are. My dad is the Trekkie, not me, and if I have to have a group nickname, I am confident that you guys can come up with something far cuter and more creative. Like Goddess Heather, or Divine One, or something like that. If you would like to call me Goddess Broccoli, perhaps we can compromise.

3) No making fun of my spelling. Or gummy bear throwing abilities. Or the butter stain on the carpet. Etc. You know who you are.

Ok, good! Now that we have the ground rules covered....

This is meant to be a good example for all of you to update your blogs daily so that I can internet stalk you in my boredom and procrastination. Keep that in mind. You update your blog, I will update mine. If you find my blog so boring that you do not want to read it, you should still update yours, because reading your blog will consume so much of my time that I will not have the time to update my own.

Lets see, news in the Life of Heath...

1) pOrky (aka Jeff, my crazy but adorable boyfriend) broke his leg. It hurt. You've already heard alllll the details, pictures available upon request. It has mostly healed now and he is walking beautifully, though with a slight limp that will go away upon "agressive physical therapy" coming up in about 2 weeks. When he is insolent, I threaten to break it again or run Misery in a loop on his LCD screen, but to no avail. Normally these threats end in tickle attacks that I do not usually win, even though he is gimpy. Though I think if I were to threaten to wash his black jeans, this would prove effective, since he never takes them off and is convinced that washing them causes them to fade. I told Ethan, the 5 year old I babysit, about this earlier today, and he is highly amused, and eager to tell pOrky how stinky he is should he ever meet him in person. pOrky and his broken leg have become legend among Pascale and Ethan (the kids I have helped raise this year); one of their new favorite games is to hop on one leg around the house screaming "The giraffe broke my leg!" I told them it was not a giraffe, but rather a skiing accident that broke his leg, but they find the giraffe story to be more interesting. Indeed, Jeff with his broken leg has become somewhat of a god to them. I am sure once they meet him in person, they will not be disappointed. He is certainly not a god (he burps too much), but he is about as wonderful as boyfriends get. He even took me to a red sox game last weekend. Although he and his friend Greasy (aka Baldassi) both brought brooms to the game for the Blue Jays "sweep" against the Sox (it was the third game and the BJs had won the other two). They intended to humiliate me, the one red sox fan, and rub their sissy bird victory in my face. However, security confiscated the brooms, much to their disappointment, and to make matters worse for them, we red soxs kicked their arses. They reclaimed their broom in shame to the cacaphony of red soxs taunting (me of course among them...before the game, they refused to let me get my lucky world series red sox hat, so I pouted all the way there and teased them most of the way home). We walked home in the rain, with Greasy and pOrky blaming security on the Blue Jays' unfortunate loss. What a pity! But I adore them both anyway, even if they have terrible taste in baseball teams. Then we watched Last of the Mohicans and I showed them where dad used to live.

2) School is going well. It is supposed to be over, but I haven't finished my papers yet. I find myself having motivational issues, since no one really gives a damn about St. Frances of Rome, and I've gotten pretty bored with her as well, though I, like her, am having my own visions from staring at a blank page trying to come up with something scholarly to say. Next year I need to come up with a more interesting focus. I think the Early Modern saints I study needed way more sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll in their lives, personally.

3) We are making avocado ice cream this weekend with my ice cream maker for a fancy dinner party with TNG ("The Next Generation"...Jeff's parents and their friends created this club, "The Florida Group," when he was a kid, and they went to Florida together and then met regularly after that to have dinners together. He grew up going to these, and the children of these people eventually formed TNG to have their own club, though they've yet to actually go to Florida. The parent generation just came back from a month in Florida though, their 25th reunion I think). Jeff is very excited about the avocado ice cream; I personally would just rather eat them raw, but it will be fun to bring and we will garnish it with fruit and some mint. Ingredients: sugar, cream, 3 avocados, lemon juice. Yum yum!

I went to the local farmers market today and got the avocados, and some yummy homeade rosemary seasalt bread, roast beef, apples, organic carrots, feta, and some salad that I accidentally left there. Oops.

Ok, I'm exhausted. I'm off to continue papers and work. Jeff is away on business somewhere near Ottowa, and I'm going to eat a sandwich. Heather signing off. Goodnight, and goodluck.